OK, I'm starting the programme for the third time. The first time was scuppered by my having to do a sudden trip to Laos for my visa (I'm teaching English in Thailand), and didnt have internet access.
The second is a more unfortunate reason - I have been struggling with alcohol dependency for some time now - indeed, for the past 3 months I have so far been in Thailand, there have not been many evenings during which I haven't been drinking. Though I have managed to go for a week or so booze-free, I fell off the wagon a couple of weeks ago - made meditation hard, as my head was clouded with intoxicants. For the same reason, my teaching suffered.
Just trying to think, now that my head's clear - what was it exactly, when did it appear, this void inside me that seems to have appeared about 2 years ago... I have an idea about what might have caused it. Seeing it a bit more clearly now.
Just hope I can do it this time - just hope that, between the meditation and being here, in a new place like Thailand, I can find something else to fill the void... but it's so fucking hard when everyone around me's getting fucked up....
We'll see. Any pointers on how to stop drinking appreciated