OK, I'm starting the programme for the third time. The first time was scuppered by my having to do a sudden trip to Laos for my visa (I'm teaching English in Thailand), and didnt have internet access.

The second is a more unfortunate reason - I have been struggling with alcohol dependency for some time now - indeed, for the past 3 months I have so far been in Thailand, there have not been many evenings during which I haven't been drinking. Though I have managed to go for a week or so booze-free, I fell off the wagon a couple of weeks ago - made meditation hard, as my head was clouded with intoxicants. For the same reason, my teaching suffered.

Just trying to think, now that my head's clear - what was it exactly, when did it appear, this void inside me that seems to have appeared about 2 years ago... I have an idea about what might have caused it. Seeing it a bit more clearly now.

Just hope I can do it this time - just hope that, between the meditation and being here, in a new place like Thailand, I can find something else to fill the void... but it's so fucking hard when everyone around me's getting fucked up....

We'll see. Any pointers on how to stop drinking appreciated

Huge Love,

Johnno xxxxxxx